Advice for Incels


Incel stands for ‘involuntary celibate’, and represents a demographic of people who are unable or unsuccessful at getting a romantic or sexual partner. Unlike asexuals, who have little to no sexual desire, incels do have romantic and/or sexual desires but are not getting their needs met.

According to one poll, the majority of responders who identified as incels were young adults. It is also believed the majority are males, although some are females.

There may be many reasons as to why they are currently unsuccessful in this area of life, which may include the following: being inexperienced, immaturity, mental health problems (e.g. social anxiety, autism, personality disorders), low self-esteem, lack of confidence, lack of social skills and a less than ideal attitude.

This post is aimed at helping those who identify as an incel, and are willing to help themselves and improve their lives.

Tip 1: Self-improvement

The first tip involves embracing the concept of self-improvement and trying to improve oneself in various areas of life. Below are a few ideas to try out:

  • Start an exercise routine and set some goals (example: running distances)
  • Learn a musical instrument
  • Take a self-esteem or confidence course
  • Read books (bonus: try a new genre to what you normally pick)
  • Learn a party trick or two.
  • Work on your fashion sense and own your style
  • Learn to dance

Tip 2: Patience

“Patience is a virtue” is a well-known proverbial phrase that means having the ability to wait for something without frustration is both a useful trait, and a positive aspect of one’s character. Not everyone gets everything in this world, and not everyone gets what they want at the exact time they would like. Everyone’s journey is different, and life is full of unexpected surprises and turns of fate, both positive and negative. Learning to tolerate and even embrace discomfort and delay is a necessary skill in navigating life with minimal unnecessary pain. Often, there is no easy way of developing patience, but changing one’s attitude towards it, one which is more accepting and embracing will serve you far better in the long run.

Tip 3: Community

Being part of a community or social group can be a great way to increase your wellbeing and developing necessary life skills. It can help you to develop social skills, to feel a part of something, and you may be able to receive some advice or constructive feedback from others.

There are many ways to ‘meet up’ with like-minded people who share similarities interested or hobbies. Below is a list of links to check out:


“Patience attracts happiness; it brings near that which is far.” ~ Swahili Proverb

“A man who is a master of patience is master of everything else.” ~ George Savile

“Patience is not simply the ability to wait – it’s how we behave while we’re waiting.” ~ Joyce Meyer

“At any given moment, you have the power to say, ‘This is not how the story is going to end.'” ~ Christine Mason Miller

“When we replace a sense of service and gratitude with a sense of entitlement and expectation, we quickly see the demise of our relationships, society, and economy.” ~ Steve Maraboli

“Positivity, confidence, and persistence are key in life, so never give up on yourself.” ~ Khalid

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